Jesus and the 21st Century

Someone forwarded me an email chain letter that contained seven pencil drawings of Jesus. That’s one thrill of being on the Internet—you never know what someone will send you.

Unusual about these drawings was that they depicted Jesus smiling, holding babies, and hugging teenage girls. Jesus looked instantly recognizable with long hair, beard, white robe, and sandals. The people he hugged sported modern dress and hairstyles.

This Jesus resembled a hippie at a be-in during the Summer of Love in San Francisco, 1967. It’s still an enigma to me how most men who worship Jesus wouldn’t be caught dead grooming like him, but that’s another story.

Someone in the chain of email recipients commented, “Christ laughing! That’s a concept I hadn't seen before.”

That was a strange one to me. Why shouldn’t Christ laugh? Just because he suffered for all our sins--made even more hellacious in Mel Gibson’s sadistic commercial, "So You Wanna Be a Masochist and Save the World?"--doesn’t mean Jesus couldn’t have any fun at all, ever.

My argument isn’t with Jesus. It’s how the religious media portray him.

I always say that I am a spiritual but not religious person. To me, religion means doctrine, dogma, and putting too much faith in a human organization to define my relationship with God. I am spiritual because I search my own soul for God.

I believe in a direct connection with God much more than finding God in a stuffy old church. I suppose there’s a chance that I could get to Heaven’s Induction Center and be informed that I got it wrong; the religious right was right after all; “God loves you, but He doesn’t have a sense of humor.”

But if I am supposed to follow my heart for answers, my heart says that God is a lot more current, present, and accounted for than the guy in the book.

Seeing those pencil drawings piqued my curiosity about what would happen if Jesus made a return visit. In my heart of hearts, I believe if Jesus came back he would not be wildly pleased with what has been perpetrated in his name.

Beyond that, if he popped into earth life one day, I imagine a media circus. Who do you suppose would get him on a talk show first? Larry King? Oprah? Charlie Rose? Rush Limbaugh? Howard Stern?

Dan Rather really needs a boost right about now. Imagine him authenticating Christ for 60 Minutes.

One of the great advantages of having Jesus appear on talk shows is that he can finally speak for himself. I’m tired of people pontificating on what Jesus says, what Jesus means.

Reverend Jerry Falwell proclaims, “Well, Jesus says--“

“--No, I don’t,” Jesus retorts. “That’s nothing like what I had in mind?”

Wouldn’t that be a riot?

The way things are done here on this planet in this time zone, the really big names in cosmic woo-woo get a lot of marketing help when they spread the word. Some celebrity psychics charge the price of a new car for their seminars. It’s expensive enough to hang out with Neale Donald Walsch, “the Conversations with God” guy. Makes me woozy thinking of the fees the bona fide Son of God could charge if he acted like some of these folks.

Would Jesus wear designer labels? Would he get corporate endorsements? Would Jesus return with a slogan? “Got God?” “M’m, m’m, God!” “Just say yes!”

Would Jesus pay attention to opinion polls? If the critical masses didn’t like how he groomed or dressed, would he flip-flop and conform to the focus group standard?

Would Jesus be welcome in the White House if he didn’t concur with right-wing philosophies? What would happen if Jesus opined that a preemptive strike on Iraq wasn’t a great idea? Indeed, what if he thought it was a really bad idea?

What if Jesus announced that same-sex marriages were fine with the Higher Authority, the Big HA? What if he came out and blessed any kind of consensual sex as a wonderland of spiritual opportunity?

Truly, in my heart of hearts, I don’t believe that many religious leaders speak for me or the God I want to believe in. God blessed me (or cursed me) with creativity, and with that gift I do not see the universe as a paradise just for anal retentive fundamentalists. I believe that the God who created (and is) everything had a bigger idea in mind.