Hug a Stranger

Have you ever hugged someone for a whole minute? A whole, long, no-cheating sixty ticks?

That might sound like a piece of cake, especially if you envision or remember hugging the love of your life or if your minute-long hugs were simply a prelude to steamier activities. But what about hugging a friend or relative or (gasp!) even a stranger for a whole minute?

I'd love to see the changes that would occur in our society if we made hugging more prominent and acceptable. I'm not referring to the fleeting body collisions many people in our culture produce for the occasion ("give" would be the wrong word here). You know, the A-frame, don't blink or you'll miss it atrocity.

I'm talking about a true connection, a long pause at the traffic light of time to hold someone in your arms and be present with that person for a whole minute. Hug that person with reverence and respect and empathy. Hug as a prayer and give thanks for our existence by taking the unusual step of holding a kindred soul close.

I know, embracing someone for ten seconds or longer almost automatically dropkicks hugging into the briar patch of sexual intention. That's because hugging is often an onramp to foreplay. Many people stalwartly keep hugs hand-in-flame short to sidestep any chance of sending unintended signals.

Nonetheless, I believe that we're losing touch with each other. Take that literally or metaphorically. Materialism, technology, and competition are taking their toll. We fear the other guy more than ever. We're being conditioned to be more defensive than intimate, more derisive than embracing, and I believe that's making us lonelier than ever.

When was the last time anyone paid close attention to you -- really heard you, really felt who you are? When was the last time you devoted your attention to someone?

In my ideal world, kindred souls would create more hugging opportunities. We would share our stories, our feelings, our quests -- and we would hold each other. (Don't I live dangerously, though?) By regularly staying in touch, physically and emotionally, we would brighten our lives with love.

Hugging feels good because it gives energy. Longer embraces exchange more energy. When given with a pure heart, hugs are healing. It's just plain harder to be as defensive, depressed, or frightened when you feel acknowledged, included, and loved.

Hugging is a simple act. Just hold on. What makes it difficult is the mental chatter that starts erupting as soon as your brain thinks this hug is already too long. Five seconds in? Ten seconds in? Listen to that chatter. It's filled with headlines (literally) about how you design your life.

I've learned that the world won't change just because I think it should. I'll create my own paradise, one hugger at a time.